Proverbs

So I am a psychotherapist.  Yeah, that’s right.  And one of the tests we do to see if people are in their right mind is to give them a proverb and ask them what it means. After 20 years of doing this I have come to see that it is the proverbs that are bizarre, not the people.

“People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.” Really?  Who throws stones in their own house? That really would be crazy. And how? Would they haul in a pile of rocks from outside because they were bored?  And then decide to throw them?  Or would they just watch reruns of Seinfeld?  No, I think the real proverb should be “People in glass houses shouldn’t pick their nose.”

“Birds of a feather flock together.” Birds of a feather, flock together.  The obvious flaw here is the use of the word ‘flock’ as a verb.  I mean, who says, “Look, those birds are flocking.  Well, flock me!” I think the author had a much more obvious word in mind, but couldn’t use it in polite society.  “Birds of a feather, f*** together.” Yeah, that sounds about right.

 And speaking of birds.  “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”  A bird in the hand….is worth two in the bush.”  What does this mean, really? I always pictured an actual bird sitting in my hand.  It would have to be a small bird, like a sparrow or a chickadee.  My hands aren’t very big. But  more valuable than two in the bush?  It might poop on my hand, or peck me. I know, the proverb is really supposed to refer to two edible birds.  But that doesn’t really make sense either. Chickens, ducks, geese – since when do they hang out in bushes? They are mostly on the open ground…or a lake. So, the two in the bush. In the bush. No, no I know where your minds are going! Stop it. Are they in Africa?   Why are they in there? Are those birds just crazy? Maybe they have mad bird disease. Or are sick.  Either way I definitely do not want to eat them.

These proverbs are busted.

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