People often substitute “I should” for “I want”.  I call this the beginning of internal civil war.  The minute you say “I should” you have created division within your self.  “I should” always comes from others; parents, rules, religious teachings, and cultural norms give us our shoulds.  Not that this is necessarily bad.  We do need to learn how to function in society in a helpful way.  At some point along the road to adulthood, though, we need to internalize those ideals or discard them for good.  If you say “I should”, it means that some part of you doesn’t want to.  Honor those parts! They have precious information for you. Let them speak to you fully. Like a good council, hear everyone’s opinion and then make your decision.

If you can say “I want” then you are coming from a more integrated place inside of yourself.  Try it for a moment,  “I should clean the kitchen”.  Doesn’t that just tighten your stomach and make you feel like you don’t want to?  Now say, “I want to clean the kitchen!.  How does that feel different?  When we say “I want to” we are taking complete ownership of our situation.  No excuses, no resistance, no blame.

Sometimes “I should” is a habit of resistance to going forward.  Many people say “I should” automatically to every task they undergo while at the same time being resentful. This is like driving with one foot on the brakes.  If your energy is tied up in inner conflict, you will have less to accomplish your tasks. It also reinforces the sense of being a victim.   Lots of patients ask me, “Should I do such and such?.”  My reply is always the same, “What do you want to do?” When you know what you want, you know what to do!

 

            

Comments

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Leslie said:

I love this...great food for thought as they say.  Leslie

October 30, 2010, 7:19 AM | Web Site

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Rennifer said: Posts like this brighten up my day. Thanks for tiakng the time. May 18, 2011, 3:59 PM

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